"I love me. I hate me. I love me. I hate me. I love me... Jeez how many petals are on this crazy flower???"

So this week I have been down with a virus or a flu, some God awful thing that rendered me in extreme amount of pain and then exhaustion. During this week, that seemed like it wouldn't end, I started going back to feeling crappy about myself, which I hate, hate, hate! 99.9% of the time I love my being and my body. I know it's cheesy to say, but I like to celebrate who I am. But ugh, this week I was gross, and felt disgusting. I know I come on here and talk about loving yourself, and I stand by that 100%, but to tell anyone who is reading this, that I NEVER feel bad about my looks, or who I am is a lie. Everyone feels crummy about themselves sometimes. But it's getting back in the game, of being confident in who you are, is EXTREMELY important. I felt shitty about my looks, my life, and a gazillion other things that woman can come up with in our brains that never stop in one week, and I hated it. It didn't make me feel anything but ugly and gross. I'd much rather be in my usual state, of a woman who loves herself, that doesn't believe in flaws, because everything I am, everything I do, has a purpose, and it should be embraced, not shunned.

So if like me, you are feeling grey and cloudy, with no sign of sunshine, take sometime, and do something that makes you smile. Last night I snuggled down in my bed and put on one of my favorite shows "The Vicar of Dibley" and I felt my anxiety lower with each smile. I love laughing, and for me, laughing is the best way to get me out of my funk. So whatever you like doing, laughing, crafting, reading, walking, whatever makes you happy, do it! Because feeling good, man... it's so much better than feeling awful (I know, duh, but still, it's a simple thing, but it makes a world of difference.)

"Can we laugh about it?"

Okay so I haven't posted in awhile but there has been some recent events that have fueled my amazing writing abilities (I say this hoping I will get some, hehehe). 

So here's the deal. I can laugh at myself. I don't mean just about the way I look, (which I can), I can also laugh at my personality. But right now I am talking about the way I look. I am a plumper (I use "plump" because as stated in earlier posts I will not use the "F" word. And I'm not talking about fuck. I love the word fuck, just a FYI) woman. Everything about me is 'rounded'. And I will joke about myself in a funny lighthearted way, not in a demeaning way. So when I heard that my favorite store Target had named the color of a plus-sized dress 'manatee gray' I got a little peeved. Because here's the thing, the same dress in the non-plus size department was called something else. Okay, this is offensive. I can take a joke, but I think that this 'color' was inappropriate, especially since it was only the plus-size division that had the name. 
I have stated before that Target and I do not get along clothing wise, and this just really soured me on their clothes. And I'm really not going to give it much thought, I just feel that as a woman who while growing up was referred to a 'cow' or a 'pig' or an 'elephant' wearing a 'gray manatee' colored dress wouldn't really help my confidence. So I say just chalk this up to someone who was trying to have a joke, but failed miserably, because they aren't funny. 

On a happier note, I was delighted when last week Zooey Deschanel's show "New Girl" introduced a 'curvier' character. The story line is that one of the main characters "Schmidt" who if you haven't seen the show, is a very self-obsessed guy who thinks that he is the hottest guy in the world, and he is looking for a date for his ex-model-girlfriend wedding, and goes to his ex-college-girlfriend, Elizabeth, that he dated during when he was "fat Schmidt" as a last resort. Elizabeth is plumper and instead of immediately jumping at the chance to fake-date the "perfect body Schmidt" she laughs at him and tells him that she has no interest in the guy he has become since loosing the weight, because her "big guy" was the best boyfriend, but when he lost the weight he became mean and stopped listening to her, and even stopped paying for her dinner. Later in the episode he comes back to her with three pizzas and apologizes saying that "maybe 'big guy' is still in this now perfect body," he asks her what he could do to apologize and she tells him to eat the pizza, which he does. So now that I have given you a summary of the episode I will tell you why I love it. 

First of all the new character Elizabeth does not seem ashamed of herself and speaks her mind. Second of all it shows just because you're thin and 'have a perfect body' (which to me isn't necessarily perfect) doesn't mean that you are perfect and that everyone wants to be with you. I really hope that the show continues with this character, because I really enjoyed her. 

I HATE when people think that there is just one form of beautiful. That if you are over a size 8 that you are out of the beauty category  I think that is one-hundred percent wrong. In my life I know many beautiful plumper people. People that are absolutely gorgeous  even though they don't think so. People of all shapes and sizes are beautiful to me.

So in conclusion, can I laugh at myself? Yes. I don't take myself very seriously, and if you can't laugh at yourself than we probably aren't going to get along. But do I think there is a difference between taking a joke and being offended by an inappropriate comment. Please if anyone is reading this, really think about what you say to people, because even the most confident person on the planet, still has feelings, and they can and will get hurt with just a few words. So everyone, let's be kind to one another and laugh with each other, because at the end of the day, laughter is the best medicine. 

Don't Worry, Be Happy

I think everyone gets asked “So what are you?” or “What’s your religion?” a few times in their life. I know I have and I haven’t been on the planet very long. When I was little my first answer would be ‘Christian,’ then add ‘but we don’t go to church’. My mom grew up in church and so did my brothers, but the tradition stopped with me. My mom didn’t stop believing in God, I actually think not going to church helped her relationship with God or the universe or whatever is out there. When I was younger I would ask my mom what we believed in, and she would say “Whatever you want too. God is everything you want Him or Her to be. God could be a tree or a woman or a man with a long grey beard, God is whatever you want him to be,” and of course as a little kid I was stumped, “But what is the RIGHT God?” I would ask, not grabbing the concept, and my mom would just sigh and smile, and tell me that it will come to me. Again confused at not being told what to do or think I would wonder and still do, if what I do as a person is wrong, if it makes God angry or disappointed in me. That maybe I will or the people I love will get hurt if I do something wrong? But again what is wrong to God?

Now before I continue to into my ‘viewings’ you may be wondering, if anyone is actually reading this thing, ‘why is a blog that is about women feeling good about their size, talking about religion?’ Okay yes I admit that this blog is taking a turn in this posting, but just stick with me, because my blog isn’t just about women feeling good about themselves, it’s about THE WORLD feeling good, and trying to spread happiness. So now that has been said I will continue.

Where was I? Oh yes, what is wrong to God? Hmmm. I’m really not 100% sure what God does or does not like, we haven’t really met personally, but I here are some things I think God does like.

DOES:

1)      I think God like’s people who are good. People who are straight, gay, bi, tattooed, pierced, not tattooed or pierced. People with brown, blonde, red, purple, green, rainbow or no hair. People who cuss and people who don’t. People who like sex and people who don’t. People that are plump and people who are thin. As long as people are good, that have a good soul, I think that’s what God cares about.

2)      I think God likes pizza, but really, who doesn’t?

3)      I think God likes a good joke.

4)      I think God likes it when people talk to God.

5)      I think God likes me.

Those are just a few things.

In my opinion, I think if you are a good person, and there is not one way to be a good person, then you are beautiful. I believe I have said that previously but it’s true so I am saying it again. Try and be happy! There is nothing better in the world than truly being happy, well maybe Starbucks is better, but then Starbucks makes me happy, so really it’s a sunshiny circle of happiness. I like smiling and laughing and making other people smile and laugh. I like being plump. I like coffee. I like running around in the rain. I like trying to see the good in people, not the bad.

I know people, and these are people I love, that say that they are cynics or pessimists, like it’s a good thing! Like it’s something to be proud of? So either these people don’t know what that means, or they are really sad. I don’t believe that doubting the good in the world and everything in it is a healthy way to live your life. Wouldn’t it be better not to be angry and hurt all the time? Yeah it’s easier, but it doesn’t feel good, it’s doesn’t make things better. Why wouldn’t you want to be happy, and be proud of that?

I know anger and sadness are a part of life. I deal with it a million times a day. Without anger or sadness, or bad things happening then people wouldn’t grow. You can’t have happiness without pain, but you can have pain without happiness, does that make sense? If I let all the upsetting emotions that go through me a million gazillion times a day really weigh me down, and welcome them without trying to shoot some happiness into them, then I wouldn’t get out of bed! But instead, I take those painful memories and experiences and mold them into something positive, which takes me back to God.

Look I am not saying I have never been angry with God, that I haven’t shut God out, I have and probably will again, because sucky things happen, and it’s easier to get mad at something that won’t yell back. It’s easier to blame everything bad or ugly that happened in your life on God. I think God expects that, that God knows that, and is always ready for it, and is always ready for YOU when you are ready for God or the universe or whatever you believe in when the time is right. I think that when you are ready to finally let the light back into your life again, then you are ready to live a happy life. And maybe you’re thinking, ‘This chick doesn’t know me or what I go through every day, and she’s got the gall to tell me to be happy with all I have to deal with? The stress and worry of everyday in my life is going to go away, if I only smile?’

Nope I’m not saying that, it takes work to feel happy. If it didn’t then everyone and their mother would be happy, but it’s not and they’re not. What I am saying is only you can make the decision to be happy about how you feel, look, taste, dance, sing, bathe, eat, watch TV, sleep, what clothes you wear or not wear if that’s your thing, and if you’re not happy then make a change. Because you are already perfect, you are the one who doesn’t think so and if someone in your life is telling you otherwise, then you and that person shouldn’t be in a relationship, and once you know that you are perfect, then things will get better. God, the universe, the power, the WHATEVER IS OUT THERE, already knows that you are perfect. They are just waiting for you to know it too.

P.S.

It never hurts to smile! Unless you have a toothache or something like that, but even then try! 

"Some day, we'll get it together and we'll get it all done"

So the other day I was thinking about my niece. Now I don’t mean to gush but my niece is definitely the most beautiful girl on the planet, hands down, no competition. And what makes her even MORE beautiful is her self-confidence. You tell her she’s pretty she’ll say “Thanks, I know,” and not in a vain spoiled way, just like yeah, I knew that already, but thanks for reminding me way. I wish I had her self-confidence! A part of the reason she is the way she is, is because she grew up in a positive environment, and another reason is her attitude. She doesn’t let anything get her down, and I love that about her.  

But here’s the thing, not all girls my niece’s age have that confidence. Not all ADULTS do for that matter! I remember a few years ago I was babysitting for a little girl, going into that “pre-teen” age, where you actually think being a teenager is going to be cool and fun, and not the hell that most of our teenage years were. We were watching a movie or playing a game something like that, and out of the blue she looks at me and asks “How does it feel to be you?” At first I was stumped. What does she mean, how does it feel to be me? Then it dawned on me, she was asking “how does it feel to be fat?”

Okay, I’ve babysat a lot of kids, and there is the occasional brat that points and laughs “hahaha you’re fat!” but this was not that kind of instance. My heart broke in half at the look in this little girl eyes, because she was not only asking if how I felt about being fat, she was afraid she was going to be. I asked her what did she mean, and she looked uncomfortable. I said that I like being me, I’m funny and smart, and have a lot of friends and family that I love, but I knew that wasn’t the answer she was looking for. I then told her that she was beautiful and she wasn’t fat and shouldn’t worry about being fat. She didn’t go for it. The next time I came over to watch her she had gotten one of those dance games where you put a mat on the floor and watch the arrows on the screen and do what it says on the mat. I said “Oh that’s a cool game!” and she said “Yeah it’s so I can maintain a healthy weight,” WHAT? Why is this little girl who in fact is NOT overweight even THINKING about weight. I know there is an obesity problem in this country and whatever, but this girl was FINE. There was nothing wrong with her.

I didn’t know her mom well and never really saw her, but from the mini gym in her garage and the food in her fridge I could tell that she was a bit of a health freak, plus she was a nurse. And I’m not saying this little girl problems came from her mother but I think things can be projected on someone so young.

I think it’s SO important to have our children be in POSITIVE environments, where they are free from worry and can just be kids! I think everyone who has ever had body image issues, which is mostly everyone on the planet, can pinpoint when their negative thoughts came to play. If it was a bully at school, a magazine with models that no one looks like, a passing comment between adults that don’t think you heard them, whatever, there’s a root to every problem, and it more than likely starts when you’re a kid. And I know there are other factors that go into low self-confidence, I’m not saying it’s all about home environment, but I do think it does make a big impact.

I hope that one day soon she will figure out how incredible she is and that she IS beautiful and is happy. That conversation has stuck with me for years, and not because of the fact that she went to me for fat advice but because she felt she needed too.

My blog is all about women feeling great about them, and every woman can look back on the little girl she once was and relate to that little girl. Let’s stop the insecurity and be proud of who we are ladies! Because there is no other reason not to be happy to be you, because you are perfect. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pn3mPiSizcc