"I love me. I hate me. I love me. I hate me. I love me... Jeez how many petals are on this crazy flower???"

So this week I have been down with a virus or a flu, some God awful thing that rendered me in extreme amount of pain and then exhaustion. During this week, that seemed like it wouldn't end, I started going back to feeling crappy about myself, which I hate, hate, hate! 99.9% of the time I love my being and my body. I know it's cheesy to say, but I like to celebrate who I am. But ugh, this week I was gross, and felt disgusting. I know I come on here and talk about loving yourself, and I stand by that 100%, but to tell anyone who is reading this, that I NEVER feel bad about my looks, or who I am is a lie. Everyone feels crummy about themselves sometimes. But it's getting back in the game, of being confident in who you are, is EXTREMELY important. I felt shitty about my looks, my life, and a gazillion other things that woman can come up with in our brains that never stop in one week, and I hated it. It didn't make me feel anything but ugly and gross. I'd much rather be in my usual state, of a woman who loves herself, that doesn't believe in flaws, because everything I am, everything I do, has a purpose, and it should be embraced, not shunned.

So if like me, you are feeling grey and cloudy, with no sign of sunshine, take sometime, and do something that makes you smile. Last night I snuggled down in my bed and put on one of my favorite shows "The Vicar of Dibley" and I felt my anxiety lower with each smile. I love laughing, and for me, laughing is the best way to get me out of my funk. So whatever you like doing, laughing, crafting, reading, walking, whatever makes you happy, do it! Because feeling good, man... it's so much better than feeling awful (I know, duh, but still, it's a simple thing, but it makes a world of difference.)

"Can we laugh about it?"

Okay so I haven't posted in awhile but there has been some recent events that have fueled my amazing writing abilities (I say this hoping I will get some, hehehe). 

So here's the deal. I can laugh at myself. I don't mean just about the way I look, (which I can), I can also laugh at my personality. But right now I am talking about the way I look. I am a plumper (I use "plump" because as stated in earlier posts I will not use the "F" word. And I'm not talking about fuck. I love the word fuck, just a FYI) woman. Everything about me is 'rounded'. And I will joke about myself in a funny lighthearted way, not in a demeaning way. So when I heard that my favorite store Target had named the color of a plus-sized dress 'manatee gray' I got a little peeved. Because here's the thing, the same dress in the non-plus size department was called something else. Okay, this is offensive. I can take a joke, but I think that this 'color' was inappropriate, especially since it was only the plus-size division that had the name. 
I have stated before that Target and I do not get along clothing wise, and this just really soured me on their clothes. And I'm really not going to give it much thought, I just feel that as a woman who while growing up was referred to a 'cow' or a 'pig' or an 'elephant' wearing a 'gray manatee' colored dress wouldn't really help my confidence. So I say just chalk this up to someone who was trying to have a joke, but failed miserably, because they aren't funny. 

On a happier note, I was delighted when last week Zooey Deschanel's show "New Girl" introduced a 'curvier' character. The story line is that one of the main characters "Schmidt" who if you haven't seen the show, is a very self-obsessed guy who thinks that he is the hottest guy in the world, and he is looking for a date for his ex-model-girlfriend wedding, and goes to his ex-college-girlfriend, Elizabeth, that he dated during when he was "fat Schmidt" as a last resort. Elizabeth is plumper and instead of immediately jumping at the chance to fake-date the "perfect body Schmidt" she laughs at him and tells him that she has no interest in the guy he has become since loosing the weight, because her "big guy" was the best boyfriend, but when he lost the weight he became mean and stopped listening to her, and even stopped paying for her dinner. Later in the episode he comes back to her with three pizzas and apologizes saying that "maybe 'big guy' is still in this now perfect body," he asks her what he could do to apologize and she tells him to eat the pizza, which he does. So now that I have given you a summary of the episode I will tell you why I love it. 

First of all the new character Elizabeth does not seem ashamed of herself and speaks her mind. Second of all it shows just because you're thin and 'have a perfect body' (which to me isn't necessarily perfect) doesn't mean that you are perfect and that everyone wants to be with you. I really hope that the show continues with this character, because I really enjoyed her. 

I HATE when people think that there is just one form of beautiful. That if you are over a size 8 that you are out of the beauty category  I think that is one-hundred percent wrong. In my life I know many beautiful plumper people. People that are absolutely gorgeous  even though they don't think so. People of all shapes and sizes are beautiful to me.

So in conclusion, can I laugh at myself? Yes. I don't take myself very seriously, and if you can't laugh at yourself than we probably aren't going to get along. But do I think there is a difference between taking a joke and being offended by an inappropriate comment. Please if anyone is reading this, really think about what you say to people, because even the most confident person on the planet, still has feelings, and they can and will get hurt with just a few words. So everyone, let's be kind to one another and laugh with each other, because at the end of the day, laughter is the best medicine.